A Mind Full of Dopamine
A Mind Full of Dopamine is the story of Rory Ledbetter’s descent. At an innocent poker game, one of the milestones of attaining manhood, he has his first great flood of dopamine – the product of risk and reward. Mice will give up everything, food, water, sleep, for dopamine. Rory, to feed the dopamine craving monster within, shoved $98,000 down its gullet and it still wasn’t satisfied.
I went into the show without knowing anything but the title. I’m sure, had I googled or even read the program, I would have had many of the common preconceived notions about gambling addiction. There are many stories of addition and recovery in our culture, but to those who have never experienced it, addiction can be bewildering and even unsympathetic. Having the opportunity to see it from Rory’s perspective – well-prefaced and expertly constructed – it was easy to see how chasing the win and the dopamine can become a destructive obsession. He made clear the struggle of the rational brain versus unexplainable powerful desires. It was all completely understandable and personal – I got it.
I had no idea what was coming after that initial poker game – just as I’m sure he didn’t. And his incredible storytelling took me on the journey with him, and I was with him all the way I groaned when he groaned and I could feel his panic - so much so that I was shaking my head and almost shouted – “No, don’t do it!” when he – like the blond girl in a horror movie – begins open the door to something even worse.
Rory Ledbetter’s descriptions of the casino decorations and of his tablemates are so vivid I could see it and I cringed a little. The sci-fi and pop culture references were pitch perfect for a nerd like me as when Rory describes the inside of an LA casino as “what the inside of the TARDIS would look like if Dr. Who was a pimp”. He also has a beautiful and clear baritone voice and his fierce possession of the stage throughout is masterful.
The only part that I wish had been adjusted was the lighting in a few of the most emotional scenes – the colours shift and it gets dark and in his hat Rory’s face is obscured by literal darkness just when the emotion is most intense. In those moments when I really wanted to stay with him the lighting disconnected me from the storyteller.
Nonetheless it is a great, entertaining, personal, emotional roller coaster ride of a show performed by a true talent who has a new way, performing, to get his dopamine fix.